A conversation around love and stupidity, Jefferson talks with our resident sociologist and his best friend - Crystal Sheriff - about their greatest fear... choosing desire over common sense.
JEFFERSON: Did you get you get your wine?
CRYSTAL: Yeah, I got this like rice-wine but it’s 14% so I can go for it. Are you watching the news yet?
JEFFERSON: No. Rachel Maddow isn’t on until 9. But I did find this expensive ass organic wine that I like at the store and it was on sale. So, it’s lit.
CRYSTAL: Hella lit.
JEFFERSON: OMG. I meant to tell…I had a dream about BLANK last night
CRYSTAL: Oh really?
JEFFERSON: No like I’m serious. It was like a very specific very… graphic dream.
CRYSTAL: Oh wow. About What.
***30 MINUTES LATER***
CRYSTAL: What do you think it means?
JEFFERSON: I have absolutely no idea. Like I haven’t thought about him in so long. But I ate crappy food very late so who knows.
CRYSTAL: Do you think you miss him?
JEFFERSON: I don’t know about all of that. I feel like I’m just having a moment where I’m reviewing a lot of my past. I feel like everyday I’m trying to decide if I’m growing as a person because I regret this one thing or if I’m just as stupid as I was in college because secretly, I regret nothing.
CRYSTAL: Do you regret your relationship with BLANK?
JEFFERSON: Not at all. Should i?
CRYSTAL: I mean…. I don’t think so. You and BLANK actually dated, you were engaged. He really cared about you. I just don’t think he was ready for all that. Mainly, because he didn’t know if that was something he really wanted at the time. Also just like with BLANK he has a lot of repressed issues that he needs to deal with.
JEFFERSON: Well do you regret your relationship with BLANK?
CRYSTAL: Do I regret him? No. I literally just read a quote by Nayyirah Waheed about soul mates. And she says you shouldn’t view soul mates by how long they last but by their existence.
JEFFERSON: I get that. I’m into it.
CRYSTAL: Me too. So when I look back on these relationships… like I’ve never felt like this before. But like when I look back. The ones that I feel were authentic in their nature…it was so authentic. Why regret that it didn’t last? Some people think it’s infatuation or young love but I think it has potential to be more than that. I think it is more than that.
JEFFERSON: But see that’s the thing, I don’t.
CRYSTAL: You don’t what?
JEFFERSON: I feel like you have to be on the other OTHER side of life to appreciate that. Like let me be married with kids and too much money, then I can appreciate the fuckboys of my past. I’m just not sure if I’m there yet. Like, I don’t regret BLANK because I loved him and it was great and it was passionate and whatever. But like, being as single as I am now… I do regret being in a serious relationship with someone who now I realize was probably no, legit DEFINITELY showing me signs that he wasn’t ready for what I was ready for.
CRYSTAL: But see there’s a difference. It’s not that you regret your relationship. You might regret not trusting your instincts.
JEFFERSON: But wait.. I didn’t have instincts.
CRYSTAL: Oh, so you mean looking back…
CRYSTAL: But see that’s growth. And in another relationship… it’s the butterfly effect. Like without having those past moments you wouldn’t have the growth. In your next relationship you’re going to be more aware of those cues. Like how can you regret something that made you wiser? You had to learn that.
JEFFERSON: But see I don’t think that I know more about this particular case. Like I knew he had reservations, then. I knew we had differences but I had always assumed that they stemmed from certain things. And I never brought it up because I know how Aquarius’s are about their triggers. So while I can see now that it wasn’t an Aquarius thing but a just a him thing… the next time I fall in love with an Aquarirus – because it’s bound to happen – I’ll still make the same mistakes.
CRYSTAL: The same mistakes as in seeing the cues and not recognizing them?
JEFFERSON: Yeah, I think so.
CRYSTAL: But why would you do that? Is it unconscious or are you just ignoring it? I don’t think you can just put on blinders. I don’t think people can be that unconscious. I don’t believe someone can put out cue after cue and you not see it. That’s a choice.
JEFFERSON: No I‘m not saying I’d ignore it but I’m saying that a stubborn Southern man withdrawing from intimacy and not liking change is not a red flag for me. And as a man I know that we have certain lines in the sand. So a lot of times, even with BLANK I didn’t think it was the closeted thing I thought it was the dude thing. And then it shows up again with BLANK. So I’m like shit…
CRYSTAL: let me stop you. Circumstance and emotions are two different things. You can feel someone pulling away from you during moments of intimacy. Like I don't think you can be in a relationship with someone who has one foot in and one foot out and not be aware of it. At least not while I'm in your life
JEFFERSON: I mean I don’t know because like… look at how they both ended.
CRYSTAL: I mean maybe you’re right. But like I just can’t see it … but I don’t know. I guess we’ll see. The story continues
JEFFERSON: LOL. Yeah but is it a comedy or a tragedy? Because I’m not in the mood.
CRYSTAL: What do you mean?
JEFFERSON: Like what’s going to happen, because I’m realizing the reason I’ve been so single for so long is because I’m not in the mood. I’m not in the mood for first dates, for questions and answers, none of that. And I’ve realized that it’s a big reason why I’m not dating. Like I’m actively ignoring interested people. Because I’m not in the mood to be wrong again and put forth the effort. And I don’t know if that’s me not wanting to admit that I am stupid or if that’s just me being lazy.
CRYSTAL: Well coming from where I’m at with my guy, he doesn’t want a relationship. But I’m thinking, me being me - charming, witty and beautiful - I think I’ll change that. I think I could change that. But if I don’t then, I already knew what I was getting into. But like… I’ve never been in a relationship that wasn’t a challenge. And it’s only when the challenge doesn’t work out… that’s when you’re stupid. Like, going into something that you know won’t work out, that is stupid. Or is it optimistic? But I think they are honestly the same thing. It just depends on who you’re talking to.
JEFFERSON: So then are we stupid? Or are we optimistic?
CRYSTAL: I think I’m optimistic. Maybe naïve. But I think…
* HEARS A NOISE*
JEFFERSON: Is BLANK there?
CRYSTAL: Yeah he’s standing here trying to listen to our conversation. Go away.
CRYSTAL: I definitely think I’m optimistic. I’m not stupid. What about you?
JEFFERSON: … I think I might be stupid.
CRYSTAL: See! We’re 2 sides of the same coin!
JEFFERSON: Well I don’t know if ….
CRYSTAL: Nah nigga. We’re the same type of person. Be in the same situations. TWICE. BOTH TIMES! With each of us. And here we are…different perspective.
CRYSTAL: And I don’t think you’re stupid. I think the relationship came out of the blue. You were blindsided and it was like a forest fire - all consuming. You’d have to be a superhero to ignore that.
JEFFERSON: I think what I mean by stupid is that I always go into these situations thinking it’s going to be different. After a few weeks I realize that dudes ain’t shit, the other shoe drops and I still stay.
CRYSTAL: Did you stay because you had deep emotions or because you felt like things would work out?
JEFFERSON: I don’t know. I just know I was happy and I don’t like to lose that feeling. It’s rare for me and I cherish it and so when it happens I protect it. That’s why I have the same friends, eat the same food, watch the same romantic comedies. Because I trust them. I know they’ll make me happy.
CRYSTAL: Very Taurus. I think the happiness means you had emotions. Not necessarily love but in the moment you were happy. And you weren’t thinking. And maybe that does make you stupid. And that’s ok.
CRYSTAL: OK. BLANK is hungry and I need to make us some food. I’ll call you tomorrow. Love you. Bye lovey.
JEFFERSON: Bye babe. Love you too. GOOD NIGHT BLANK.
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