Turn Brunch Into A Lifestyle

March 26, 2018

 

Brunch season is back and I couldn't be more excited. Like, I LOVE brunch. And I know you think you love brunch but bitch... I like LOOOOOVE brunch. It's not just because I really like champagne but also because all the pork I enjoy is technically breakfast meat. Brunch is like Sunday dinner. It's long, full of heavy foods and all your favorite people are together and laughing and hopefully drunk! UGH. I've missed it.

If I'm being completely honest, as much as I love brunch I'm not sure my budget does. My budget - which is pretty much just swiping cards until one works and praying to God I marry rich - is really only set up for one consistent luxury and last time I checked I was up to about 4. So in the effort to compromise with American Express I've experimented with different types of brunch. Short brunch - where mimosas are unlimited for 45 minutes. Weekday brunch, where me and my unemployed, self-employed or incredibly rich friends just eat at an empty restaurant and home brunch, where I eat pancakes in bed while watching Scandal. But it's not the same. A short brunch is a bad brunch. A small brunch is a weak brunch. And a solo brunch is just lazy breakfast.

I've come to realized that I need my big blowout brunch every weekend. I don't think i can survive without it. But how? The trick is to commit. Commit to your friends, to your brunch and to slightly-better-than-shit champagne.

 
Firstly, you have to go ahead and prepare to spend too much money. It's happening, don't fight it. Secondly, you can't always eat at Instagram places in SoHo, that's a special occasion type brunch. Third, never have a special occasion brunch. that's how you get roped in to splitting the bill for your college acquaintances overpriced waffles because it's her birthday and her roommate wants her to feel special. Fuck that.

 

As a general rule, I only brunch in neighborhoods with a decent to high percentage of black and brown people. Non-Willimamsburg-Brooklyn, Bronx, Harlem, etc. I also like to host my own brunch at least once every other month. I enjoy controlling the menu and have my friends pitch in 20 bucks each. That way, we can actually drink Veuve Clicquot and Moet without spending $400 a bottle and my portions aren't child size.

 

No matter where I'm eating or what I'm drinking i always make sure the brunch is eventful. A surprise guest, big news, make it worth everyones time. The only way to ensure that you build brunch into the foundation of who you are as a Jawbreaker and a child of God, is to mkae sure you need brunch. Quality gossip feeds the soul. Seeing old friends clears up your skin and quite frankly, a good meal followed my an even better nap is the perfect off the week.

 

 

 So dive right in. Call up your girls and get them together. Eat all the croissant, tell everybody's business and dread the week ahead. Because brunch isn't a special occasion, it's a lifestyle.

 

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