The Definitive Guide to Surviving High school Graduation

June 7, 2018

 

 

High school is a complicated time. Depending on who you are, where you grew up and what your home circumstances were (nerdy, gay, rich, jock etc.) you either love or hate high school. Either way, eventually – perhaps even over the next few weeks – you’ll be leaving forever. Congratulations… or we're sorry, whichever you prefer. Either way, there are a few codes of conduct that tend to be true across the board that will keep your graduation memorable, smooth and drama-free. So as you walk across the stage and tell your principle to kiss your ass for the very last time, remember these few tips:


OBLIGE YOUR PARENTS, NO MATTER HOW EMBARRASSING AND OBNOXIOUS

Your parents literally love you to death. Besides the fact that one of them gave birth to you out of her ya-ya, they’ve spent the last 18-years supporting you at the very least, financially. Yes, they are old. Yes, they are embarrassing and they are probably doing the absolute most. However, you’ll need them more in your adult years than you did in your childhood so be nice to them and let them have their moment. Take every picture, shake every hand, and say “Nice to meet you” to all your dad’s friends. It’s the right thing to do, and maybe if you’re good at it, they’ll pay for college.


DON’T PLAN YOUR AFTER PARTY LAST MINUTE


It’s a big night, most of you are 18 and you should act like it! Gather your friends, crank up the SZA and start consuming things that you shouldn’t. That being said, the only way you’ll be able to get weird with your friends is if you plan for it! Get a group chat going, find out whose parents have an empty rental property somewhere uptown and schedule a rendezvous around 11:30pm. Graduation dinners don’t end before 11 and you just need to deal with that. Moreover, plan on staying the night and plan on all your friends staying the night. Send your parents the obligatory “Everything is fine” text around 1am and have a bomb-ass-time.

 

 DON’T PRETEND NOT TO CARE

Can we just not? Like have we passed the point in your lives where nonchalance and apathy are seen as aloof and cool? This is a major accomplishment, it's a fucking milestone and it’s big ass deal. I KNOW YOU CARE! So stop pretending like you can’t wait to leave the auditorium, stop acting pissed that your mom won’t stop crying and for the love of God make sure you not only live stream every second but that you get actual pictures with all your friends. Enjoy the day. Live in the moment.

Congrats grads. You did it.

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